The phone calls are coming in now, always at suppertime, always when my mouth is full. It's a sure sign of spring — strangers begging to take care of my lawn.
I resent this. I kinda like taking care of the little bit of lawn I do have myself — that's why I'm a gardener. I tell the callers this very politely, but they don't seem to understand. Sometimes I say, "How dare you suggest my carpets need cleaning!" This usually throws them, giving me the opportunity to hang up.
I could just hang up anyway, I suppose, but given the number of calls I get it could easily become a habit, then I might find myself hanging up on the important ones — like Publisher's Clearing House phoning about the fifteen million they promised me. I'd hate to hang up on that call.
Lawn care is obviously big business. I suppose this indicates there are an awful lot of non-gardeners out there with lawns that need care. It's a shame that lawns aren't put to better use, other than providing a place for toxic waste disposal (oops, I'm revealing a slight bias here).
Of course there is an organic solution — old goats. They'd do a fantastic job of lawn care (I don't mean retirees, although it would be a better way to get exercise than hanging out at the mall upsetting security guards).
No, what I mean is an environmentally friendly lawn care company that would drop off a goat for a couple of days, then pick it up again after the grass has been trimmed and fertilized — perfect. For an extra charge, the goats could wear spiky hoof adapters and aerate the lawn at the same time too.
I doubt this would stop the pesky phone calls, but they'd sure be honest, wouldn't they . . . "Hi, this is the Get Your Goat Lawn Care Company" — sound familiar?
